A Borderline's needs were severely neglected in infancy and childhood, which left her with painful self-worth issues. Few will make the effort to heal and grow past the grandiose false-self, which was constructed in childhood, in order to survive a litany of agonizing setbacks. His ongoing need to be in the one-up position and exert control, forms the basis of many conflicts and struggles with this couple. If a child had to shut down his needs and difficult feelings in order to survive the rigors of his painful childhood experiences, he may have acquired a sense of invincibility, and assumed he could handle virtually anything that came up. That's why we call their behaviors, "crazy-making. You bounce between exhilaration, euphoria, increased energy, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, trembling, a racing heart and accelerated breathing, as well as anxiety, panic and feelings of despair when your relationship suffers even the smallest setback. Many participants expressed feelings of helplessness, saying their obsession was irrational and involuntary. Does he pay more attention in your conversations?
He too, thrives on stimulation whether pleasurable or painful which triggers feelings of aliveness he can't produce for himself. The Borderline's inability to separate fact from fiction distorts their perceptions, and extreme emotional reactivity in reference to those distortions, is a typical borderline personality feature. Fisher and her colleagues believe this single-mindedness results from elevated levels of central dopamine — a chemical involved in attention and focus — in your brain. Suffice to say I felt like a total idiot for thinking we shared this secret connection for all these months. Way back in my single days I met a guy who seemed perfect for me in every way. Initially, some magical thinking presumes that she's responsible for his newfound sexual prowess--and as such, they're meant to sail off into the sunset together. Now, the self-protective defenses begin, as neither partner wants to venture too far out on this limb, for fear of falling from their love nest of infatuation. This issue often spawns outbursts of irrational jealousy. He remembers how powerful, in-control and popular he was before he started up with the Borderline and his world and ego began to collapse. This focused attention is also thought to result from elevated levels of central dopamine, as well as a spike in central norepinephrine, a chemical associated with increased memory in the presence of new stimuli. If there are physical or social barriers inhibiting partners from seeing one another regularly — for example, if the relationship is long-distance — then the "in love" phase generally lasts longer than it would otherwise. Another love expert, Lucy Brown, a neuroscientist at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York, says this drive to be with another person is sort of like our drive toward water and other things we need to survive. Essentially, the greater your need is for this female sexually, emotionally, psychologically or financially , the more easily she can keep the upper-hand and control you--and it's always about control for the Borderline. Obsessive-compulsive disorder is treated with serotonin-reuptake inhibitors. A lover who's more available, loving and responsive, doesn't fit her childhood blueprint--or inspire her passionate response. The Narcissist has never really felt worthy of having needs, so he suppresses them; he's the passive partner. This is a "birds of a feather" kind of issue. Whatever the reason, you want to know the truth about his feelings about you. If he succeeded, he might have received some praise. He's all too familiar with her acute instability, and frightened that she'll either bring great harm to herself--or to him. Relationship issues are universal--and homosexual men and women struggle with many of the same concerns heterosexual couples do, because of their core disturbances throughout childhood. The Borderline compensates for core deficits--but does it with her well-worn ability to seduce, for that is the only arena where she feels any true sense of mastery or self-confidence. It's also possible that he might select a female who's relatively devoid of those features, and with whom he can access more empowerment and autonomy, than he could as a child. It's critical to understand that if a Borderline partner becomes healthier through core-focused therapeutic help, there will be considerably less chaos and conflict in this coupling, which can drudge up feelings of deadness or discontent in the narcissistic partner. Based on a Borderline's level of emotional desperation, she may not choose men who've attained significant acclaim, stability or success. This puts romantic love in the company of survival systems, like those that make us hungry or thirsty," Brown told Live Science in Sensations of closeness are entwined with loss of Self.
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